Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
