So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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