the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
