Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
