I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
