he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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