A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
