I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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