Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
