Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
