I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
