So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
