Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
