U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
