You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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