The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
