the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
