i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i out mim tonsoeep
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
