She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
