he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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