She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My ATM looks so different sober.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
