I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
