I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
