you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
