I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
