Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
