True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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