how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I supernannyed him into submission
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
