are you still at the devil's house?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
