i was born a porn star she said
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
