so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
