I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If I die, sorry about rent.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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