omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Still dying that you shit outside
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
