Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
