I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
