I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
