He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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