it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
