I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
