We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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