Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
