I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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