You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
