it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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