You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
