I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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