You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
