fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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