hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
