Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I have fence marks all over my body
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
